You don’t need to be even a month old to learn to play

A five year old grand-niece described her brother’s behavior over the phone to me some time ago. I had asked how he was, and she said “all he does is to drink milk, sleep, do susu, kakka and then cry”. The boy was six or seven months old at that time. I was a bit disturbed. Here is a bright mind unable to communicate satisfactorily with others, play, socialize etc. due to the time it takes for development to give him these abilities. And here I was, unable to go to his rescue! We have not learnt much to make the life of infants more interesting over the million plus years as humanity evolved.

Recently, I got a chance to try out some simple ideas related to this problem. My wife Usha and I were waiting for our grandchild to be born. Our daughter had enrolled us in a course for grandparents-to-be, where we were taught, predictably, to change diapers and to swaddle the baby.  Incidentally, I hate to see a baby being swaddled. Subduing a child, tying it up hands and feet to make it “more manageable”, is downright cruel. If you start a society for babies’ rights, do sign me on!

Having been duly certified as grandparents, we waited for the great occasion and were delighted when the baby arrived. The kid was staring at our faces within a few days, making it difficult for us to believe the traditional wisdom that the ability to see beyond 12 inches will take months to develop! It would be great to play with the baby, we thought; but, how do you play with a one-week old? The table of steps in development listed in any good book on child development tells the basic story. I do agree with this basic story. The brain is not fully developed when the baby is born. It is going to take months and years of development to reach its full potential.

However, the point I wish to make here is that play, learning and socialization do not have to wait for six or nine months. We don’t need to speed up these to make the child ready for school early, or any such stupid reason. However, we should not under-estimate the child’s interest in interacting with people. Instead of being straight-jacketed by swaddling and being dumped on its back in a cradle, it is fun to let the baby wave its arms and legs. Of course, the baby soon tries to put its fist into its mouth and could possibly hurt itself with its fingers, but the risk is low. The baby learns quickly to avoid whatever causes her pain. If you are fortunate enough to have time to play with the baby, do it; but at least don’t constraint her by tying her up.  

Let us come back to play. The first thing we tried was to stick our tongue at the baby when she was three weeks old. We figured that this might help the baby several months later to learn to make speech sounds. Well, it hardly took a day! The baby was sticking her tongue out whenever we demonstrated the maneuver. We smiled and laughed and expressed our pleasure at her achievement. We also tried to share that excitement with her, by picking her up and giving her a hug. A few days went by and before she was one-month old she learnt to imitate Usha showing her one finger as if to say “one”. She did this repeatedly, leaving no doubt in any one’s mind. Of course, she was not exactly learning mathematics! This was just fun and socialization. A way to do something outside the “drink milk, sleep, … “ routine! The simplest of games, but one that could be played with someone less than a month old.

 
The next step was quite accidental. I was doing simple exercises, raising my hands, doing bends and abs while the baby watched me from her grandma’s lap. I could not avoid going closer to the baby and showing her hand-raising exercises. I was getting my exercise, while she had the pleasure of watching grandpa acting crazy! This went on for a few days, and Usha joined in, showing hand raising exercises to the baby. I honestly did not expect anything to happen. The baby was just a month plus one or two days old. The exercise involved lifting hands, which are obviously much heavier than a finger. I did not know if her muscles were strong enough for this. Worst of all, I thought this involved considerable hand-eye coordination – to look at someone else doing the exercise and then symmetrically raising both hands. No problem! The baby lifted her hands and imitated Usha! She did that about ten times within five minutes, as I clicked a number of pictures. The game was getting better.

But we knew that there other things in life to share with the baby, like a walk (with her on the stroller) through the park. The baby enjoyed the stroller bumping over the rough sidewalks, the sun giving her an occasional jolt, and so on. Ten degrees centigrade, 45 mt walks, no sweat! Besides she could just sleep part of the time. We avoided showing off her prowess as an imitator to visitors. She is no performing pet! Slowly, the focus on imitating hand movements was lost and the baby forgot what she had learnt. But hopefully, she will remember in some way that she can play games and that learning is fun!

I had heard about mirror neurons that we seem to have in plenty along with monkeys! Much of the behavior involving our extremely complex hand and face muscles are built in. When we see others using their hands or their face muscles, the mirror neurons help us imitate what we see. So, the magic is not in “my” grand-daughter’s brain alone. It is a gift that she shares with every other human baby and with every monkey-baby as well! That does not make it any less exciting!

What next? We have returned home after our trip, but Skype is there to help us continue to play on and off with the baby. We are hoping to teach her a baby sign language – six or seven signs – Namaste, milk, monkey, hide, grandpa, grandma, thank you, etc. Not use of mere muscle, but a step to very meaningful things! We are not going to wait nine months for her to have the ability to say a few words. Ideas come far long before spoken words do!

Srinivasan Ramani